I’ve written about the lack of good OCD representation in film and TV, but today I want to highlight a television program that does a great job depicting the disorder as I experience it: Pure. Airing on Channel 4 in the UK in 2019 and on HBO Max in 2020, Pure is based on the book of the same name by Samantha Cartwright. It tells the story of a young woman named Marnie (Charly Clive) who escapes her small Scottish town and heads to London after experiencing horrific, incestuous, sexually graphic thoughts. It’s a comedy.
Over six episodes, viewers follow Marnie as she meets potential friends and lovers all while navigating sexually explicit intrusive thoughts. Marnie can’t ride the subway or walk down the street without looking at someone’s breasts or imagining them naked and/or mid-intercourse. These thoughts and images upset Marnie, who thinks she is either losing her mind or is a sex addict. My own intrusive thoughts have also made me feel as though I was losing my mind. While drinking at a bar one night, she meets and goes home with a woman named Amber (Niamh Algar). Confused about her sexuality thanks to these intrusive thoughts, Marnie attempts to perform oral sex on Amber, but freaks out and leaves abruptly. Just because she thinks about sex with women doesn’t mean she wants to have sex with them in real life. Marnie is confused. I know the feeling. Dealing with unwanted thoughts is emotionally draining. Soon after imagining more strangers having sex in public, Marnie attends a sex addict group therapy session. There, she meets porn addict Charlie (Joe Cole) who shares some insights with her: maybe she has OCD. This scene stands out to me in particular because I similarly had a moment of realization when I first heard these symptoms of OCD. Charlie: Obsessive compulsive disorder. You’re welcome. Marnie: I don’t have OCD. Charlie: Wait, just hear me out. ‘OCD is a psychiatric disorder characterized by obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions.’ Marnie: I’m really untidy. I don’t wash my hands long enough and I always leave the house with tea lights accidentally burning and I don’t care! Cuz they’re little and they just go out! Charlie: ‘Typical obsessive things include contamination, illness, and orderliness, but sometimes also obsessive about murder, violence, blasphemy, and sex…’ Marnie: …What? Charlie: ‘Sexual obsessions can include doubts of a deviance behavior but also unfaithfulness or suitability of one’s partner or sexual orientation.’ Marnie: …That sounds like me. Charlie: ‘What if I sin? What if I don’t really love my partner? What if I feel sexual love for a parent? What if I assaulted someone? What if I’m infected? What if I’m sexually attracted to animals? What if my entire personal identity is wrong?’ Marnie: Give me this. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Fuck. Charlie, it’s OCD! I’ve got OCD! Charlie: Told ya, kiddo.
While I haven’t had sexually explicit intrusive thoughts, I have experienced other types of intrusive thoughts about existence, relationships, and identity. It’s scary! You are confused for having these thoughts, and think that something must be wrong with you for having them. I have constantly had arguments with myself, often going around in circles, obsessed with trying to stop thinking them. In a later episode, Marnie is at her magazine internship when she suffers a panic attack and breakdown. In the midst of this scene, Marnie questions her diagnosis during an inner monologue: I'm having an intrusive thought, but I’m the one having it, so it must be my thought. What if I don’t have OCD? What if I am a sex pest and it’s just an excuse for me to perv?
When I first saw this scene, I gasped. I have had a similar conversation with myself in my head. Even though I know I have OCD, the disorder can make me think that something else is wrong with me. To see something so personal on my TV screen - for the first time ever - was shocking and relieving. I felt less alone in my diagnosis. It validated my own experiences. Want to understand this side of OCD even more? Pure is currently available to stream on Prime Video (in the U.S.). Sadly: the series was canceled after only six episodes, just as Marnie was starting her journey of therapy sessions and, hopefully, her eventual path to recovery. You can also check out The London OCD Clinic and The OCD Center of Los Angeles for more information.